Kim Fung

In 2014, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. It was my final year in university, but I was unable to focus on my studies. I began to lose interest in things that I used to enjoy. shThe world started to be uniformed and plain to me. I was constantly blaming myself for things that went wrong around me constantly questioning my purpose and value. I was always exhausted and on some days, getting out of bed was a daunting task. I had trouble interacting with friends and classmates. Even in a room full of people I would feel alone like an invisible box surrounds me. There were long periods of time when I couldn’t feel any emotions – no joy, anger, sadness – life had become a meaningless journey from birth to death. I started having suicidal ideations. Some of my friends kept a distance from me. Not because they didn’t care, but because they didn’t know what to do.

I realised I could not climb out of this pit alone; I eventually sought help and was diagnosed. The journey has not been smooth, littered with relapses and breakdowns, but I took life one day at a time. It took about 2 years to recover, and eventually colour started to return into my life.

Even if it is a bottomless pit, you can stop falling if you decide to grab on to the sides. The climb upwards will be daunting, and you may fall occasionally. But if you don’t stop climbing, you will reach the light again.

The Grey in Between

Since young, I have often enjoyed being alone, with just the company of myself. There is a difference between being alone, and being lonely; but this difference became less and less clear after I entered university. In 2014, I
had been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.

The Invisible Barrier

My depression made me believe that there was something fundamentally wrong with me, that I was worthless and not worthy of other people’s time, attention, nor friendship. The one thing I felt I could still do for people around me was to stay away and not be an inconvenience to them.

The Descent

The world to me was plain and uniform – nothing excited me anymore during the spiral downwards. All the tears had left me numb, and for a long while, emptiness was the only thing I was still able to feel. With no expectations, there could be no disappointment.

The Space-Time Continuum

Climbing out of the pit was not a smooth journey. But with support from close friends, space away from the triggers, and time for wounds to heal, I could
slowly see colour in my world again.

The Late Blossom

Different people with the same diagnosis take different paths towards their recovery. We may reach our destinations at different times, and people at their destinations can still help those who are still on their way.

The Silver Swan

Aluminium foil, though not traditionally used for origami, can still be folded into a swan, a symbol of elegance and grace. It is perfectly fine for us to fulfil a different purpose in life from the norm or what is expected of you by society.

About Kim Fung

Kim Fung graduated with a BSc (Pharmacy) degree from NUS. He started work as a pharmacist at Gleneagles Hospital, and is currently working at the Agency for Integrated Care. He believes you should take life one day at a time. That it is alright to stop and rest, and even look back at times. And if you keep walking ahead, you will notice that there are others who are willing to walk together with you.

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